[tmtranscripts] Ham on working on your weaknesses
David G. Schlundt, Ph.D.
david.schlundt at vanderbilt.edu
Mon Jun 21 08:56:57 PDT 2004
[you may find your weaknesses are similar to some of the ones mentioned
by members of the Nashville group]
Ham: Greetings, children, I am Ham and I am happy you have each chosen
to come this evening. For each of you, there are ups and downs, however,
all of you are steadily progressing in the kingdom. You are all finding
progress and finding a way forward where previously you have been stuck
or stymied on your path.
All of your being must traverse the path at once. It is not possible to
get too far ahead of yourselves for always must the weakest part of you
catch up to the strongest. There is no way to circumvent this law of the
universe for just when you feel yourself really making progress will you
be tripped up and embarrassed, perhaps, by a behavior or reaction you
thought you had outgrown. It is important to remember that you are only
as strong as that most vulnerable place.
Have courage, my friends, and do not be discouraged for wisdom comes in
knowing the weakness just as well as the strength. You must all
understand that every person, no matter how powerful or strong they seem
to be, has his weak points. But, you must also understand that those
weak points must be dealt with. They cannot be ignored and should you
pretend they do not exist, they will assert themselves during your most
Each of you has a long journey ahead, an infinite destiny. You have a
long time to explore all the hidden corners and manifesting potentials
of your personalities. It is tempting to rush over those parts which are
not so flattering, those areas which cause embarrassment or regret. It
is tempting to do this, but unwise. It is important to know your
vulnerabilities. It is important to acknowledge these things to
yourself. Only then can these vulnerabilities, problems, or Achilles
heels become mended and strengthened. You must each understand that
having understanding for yourselves is a great strength in itself. It is
those who deny their own weaknesses who are undone by those weaknesses.
Character is built through the wise acceptance of failure. Character is
weakened by denial. Denial is like a termite infested foundation. It
will gradually undermine your entire character. And so, the way forward
is always found in seeking out those areas of weakness and denial,
acknowledging these problems, and once you accept something about
yourself, it ceases to have the power to undermine your success.
Let us now, beginning with Rebecca, each of you can state what you feel
your greatest weakness is. We will discuss it briefly and then move on.
Q: Mine is the inability to accept personal criticism, even if it is
constructive. If people mean well and give me criticism, I can barely
stand it. I know it is wrong, but I don't know how to fix it.
Ham: Rebecca, you do well my dear. As a child, you had a great need for
acceptance which went unmet. Criticism is easier to accept if you don't
feel you are being rejected completely. Without having established in
your family the acceptance your required, then criticism seemed like the
final rejection instead of something helpful. This emotional instability
has followed you very far, but you must begin to overcome it by truly
receiving the acceptance of Christ Michael and the Mother Spirit. Even
now, you have trouble fully accepting your daughtership probably because
you have never received it before. This week, in your quiet time, really
work on receiving this gift. Make it part of your being. Then you will
find the criticism of others easier to bear and rather than fleeing from
yourself, you will stand fast instead.
Q: My greatest weakness, as far as I know, is that I don't know how to
love, flat out period.
Ham: My daughter, you also had a very difficult childhood, difficult in
that neither of your parents really new how to love you are each other.
So you had no real connection with love for many years. This has made
you very independent, but also confused about male-female pairing. You
understood the form of how this in enacted, but not the underlying
bonding. Your parents had the form without the bond and so you followed
this pattern in your early life. Once again, it is the acceptance of the
Master's love for you and also the love of the Mother Spirit that will
break down the wall you have unconsciously erected between your heart
and others. The Master's love is more than the love of a father. It is
the tender love of a lover as well. It is the love of someone who
completely embraces you, not someone who holds you at a distance or
loves an idea of you. The acceptance of this love will lead you to fall
in love with the Master in a way that you have not loved before, in a
way you have not allowed yourself to love before. Do not hold back from
his love, but let it wash over you and through you, let it embrace you.
In short, let him teach you how to love him. You do very well my dear
and you are doing better every day.
Let us go in a circle.
Q: This is hard Ham, because I am pretty near perfect. But the first
thing that comes to mind is my mouth because that is pretty much what I
have used to sabotage my progress.
Ham: Yes my son, you do very well. One's tongue is the hardest thing to
gain a measure of control over. It is difficult to find that middle road
where your comments are considered, yet spontaneous. It is also a point
of rebellion for you to not have to watch what you say or feel that you
need to not be yourself. Gradually, over time, you will find a way to be
more in balance and you will have less fear of being repressed or that
your feelings will be discounted by others. All human beings have more
or less a fear of rejection by their fellows. It is this fear of
rejection which leads you to continually seek acceptance and that is all
it is. You are tending to seek more acceptance after acceptance has been
granted because you are not sure of it. Does that make sense?
Q: Yes it does.
Ham: So, as you seek after acceptance, also remember to accept
acceptance rather than testing it. There was, in your family, a pressure
toward conformity and having rejected the conformity, you still continue
to seek acceptance and your refuse to accept rejection and so this has
led you to continually seek after approval, for approval or acceptance
anyway, was given. You distrusted it because in your house, acceptance
was predicated on conformity. Is this helping?
Q: Yes thank you
Q: I feel my greatest weakness is my persistence to attaching to fear
instead of allowing love to fill the void in my heart which is I guess
my resistance to accepting full sonship.
Ham: Yes, my son, for you fear has been a kind of friend. Fear is
familiar and almost comfortable for you. During times when you are not
experiencing any fear, you are apt to suddenly miss it and pull it back
in. All human beings have a relationship with fear. Fear is managed, but
it is rarely vanquished. You have come a long way with fear as your
friend, with fear as even a refuge and a familiar comforting presence.
But my son, you will find that fear is not a friend and fear is not in
any sense helpful in your life. You have for too long assumed that fear
was something you should have. But fear is a fraud. Fear is not real. It
accomplishes nothing and it wreaks great havoc when it is release. You
must not continue to simply manage your fear more efficiently, no. You
must come to a parting of the ways, a point where you bid your old
friend goodbye and let it go. Yes, my son, you are afraid to let go of
fear. But, you must do so. Every time it tries to work its way back into
your life, you will have to vanquish it anew and defeat it time and
again. But the more you can push fear out, the more you can welcome
happiness in. They can't both occupy the same space. Love must be the
winner. Love must take over the space fear has left. Continue to work on
this. You are doing much better. Is this helping?
Q: Yes, is there an exercise for this to practice?
Ham: Yes, when you are seized by a fearful thought or you feel your mind
tending toward fear, you must say to fear, "With the Master's love I
release you. With the Master's help I turn away from you and turn toward
him". You will find the Master's spirit has no place for fear and as you
welcome his spirit more and more into your mind and heart, fear will be
crowded out and you will find you can gradually let it go. Yes, my son,
you do well.
Q: The ability to stay in the moment and struggle with learning on all
levels and have an understanding.
Ham: And so your weakness is the inability to stay in the now?
Q: Yes, it has always been like that.
Ham: Yes my son, you have a very creative mind but an undisciplined
mind. You have great creative potential, but your weakness is the
focusing and completing (following through) on one thing before you move
to something else. You have stamina, but you have a lack of the
discipline to focus that energy and to maintain that energy in one
direction. So the question is, how to create greater self-discipline?
Remember, always, that you have a higher nature as well as a lower one.
Your lower nature will naturally obey your higher nature. You have
simply been at a loss to identify and follow the higher nature. You have
wanted to figure it out yourself. You have wanted to see every option at
every step. You have wanted to know every single problem and all its
ramifications in order to make a decision. But you are making things too
hard, too complicated. Very simply, your higher nature knows what is
best. It's not up to you to figure it out for yourself as so much to
find the higher nature and to consent to his over control. You have seen
the example of others and tried to do what they did. But that is not
your road. Your road is more directly spiritual. Your road will be found
in seeking inner guidance and then allowing that guidance to guide. Do
not be afraid of mistakes for once a human being asks for divine
guidance and gives consent for that guidance to be manifest, you will be
led through many situations, many relationships, and each of these will
help you, not so much in the material world, but in the spirit realm,
the realm of character, the realm of morality. Do not worry so much. The
Master said, "Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid".
Let go of worry and you will find your way forward without it. Is this
Q: It feels so good to release that, to let go of it. I thank you so much.
Ham: Of course my son, you do very well.
Q: I guess my weakest thing is that my first response to most situations
is negative and I look at most situations as a stressful pain in the butt.
Ham: My son, you are doing very well. You have trained yourself to be
cautious and you are also quite practical in wanting to see the negative
first. This is also a way to stave off disappointment. But it is also a
way to allow yourself the ease of pessimism. It is easier to not allow
hopes to rise than it is to have those hopes crash. You have experienced
some great disappointments in your life and you have seen the error of
unwise optimism. But do not allow this easy road to dominate your life.
For the future is created by those who have a vision not always shared
by many others. You must allow yourself to have that spiritual insight,
that vision of the future, without worrying about disappointment to the
exclusion of dreaming at all. You don't need to be a "dreamer" in order
to have vision. It is the hope of the future that creates future. If you
are to be the architect of your own life, you must have a vision of how
you want your life to be. Step cautiously my son, but do not allow your
caution to prevent you from stepping at all. Is this heping?
Q: Yes, very much so, thank you.
Q: I think probably one of my very worst qualities is always selling
myself all of the time to everybody, you know.
Ham: Yes, my son, you understand this quite well and yet it is a
compulsion borne out of insecurity and an essential kind of
self-rejection. You seek to sell a vision of yourself, not your self per
se. So you are trying to create an unreal you to replace the real you in
the minds of others as though the real you is not worthwhile, only the
vision is worth anything. It is time now to bring the two together and
to be secure in your present self. As a child, you were rejected in the
home and this led you to feel you were not worthwhile as your self and
this led you to mistakenly assume that all others were rejecting of you
as well but perhaps they might accept the unreal self. You have been
many years coming into a self-acceptance and yet that fear of rejection
continues to pop up and be an Achilles heel. It is as though you have
been unable to accept your acceptance and even though you intellectually
understand the Master's great love for you, and you intellectually
accept the Spirit Mother's love, still you have not accepted this
completely and you even pass off their acceptance of you as some kind of
acceptance of your task instead. You have found the value in the task,
but now you must find value in yourself. Is this helping?
Q: Yes, it is very interesting, thank you Ham.
Q: The only thing I am struggling with is my lack of faith in my
worthiness and sense of value.
Ham: Yes my dear, you are doing well. Many people have trouble with
self-worth. The dynamic in your home life created a very damaging
situation for you. This then has played out over the years in that you
have sought out some situations where rejection would be part of your
relationship. My dear, you have unconsciously found rejection time and
time again, even set up the scenario yourself at times. And this kind of
schizophrenic feeling your have toward yourself, of alternately valuing
and rejecting who you are, brings you in to situations where this will
be part of the dynamic, going from one to the other. You have also felt
distrustful toward God because you could not have a trusting
relationship with your earthly parents. You have been afraid to trust in
the Father. In other words, when you have trusted, right behind it has
come an undermining self doubt, as though you can't believe God would
value you enough to be a trustworthy partner for you. This, my daughter,
will gradually abate as time goes by. You have a great inner resilience
and a great ability to reach out in faith. Gradually, your trust will
develop and strengthen as you come to accept and value who you are, why
you were created. Gradually, my dear, you will find your purpose. You
will find your balance in this life. Do not be in a hurry, for you are
going through a healing and this will take some time. Continue to bring
the Master's spirit into your heart ever deeper. Allow him to be your
brother, your father, friend, and lover. He will guide you into all that
you need and you will learn to increasingly trust him as time goes on.
Don't worry my dear, you do well.
Q: I think I am holding on to a lot of old hurts and resentments from
times when I felt like I was being unfairly treated or unjustly
punished. I bring these feelings into present situations and it causes
me to misread what other people are feeling and overreact, or avoid, or
withdraw, or act in ways that are dishonest or unfair to others. I think
this also leads me to do things that build walls between me and the
people I say I love and it gives me the occasion to seek ways of escape
or self-comfort that are destructive and self-isolating.
Ham: Yes, my son, you are a person with a very active inner life and
this inner life can be a refuge and an easy place to withdraw to when
you feel wronged. It is also a childish reaction, a kind of an I'll show
you response. And, of course, all people have this to some degree. It is
easier to withdraw, to nurse your wounded pride, that it is to work
through the problem directly. Your parents, especially your father,
exhibited the same pattern and he was very unapproachable for you
unavailable emotionally. You must resist the impulse to punish others by
your withdrawal the way he did. Sometimes people are just frightened and
they lash out in fear without thinking. So you must understand that you
should not punish them for their fears the way you were punished for
your fears as a child. If you would follow the Master's footsteps, and
allow him to influence you and how you react to others. There are times
when pride must be decisively put away for often it is pride which leads
to a disaster down the road and it is often the most foolish mistakes
that are caused by wounded pride. Pride is kind of a childish over
dramatization which should not be allowed to have free reign. The Master
was free from these errors, but human beings are not. Be aware that
others will act foolishly prompted by their own pride and all of this
compounds a problem which probably is not that serious. It is always
harder to stay and fight than it is to break and run when the going gets
tough. This is how character is made or lost. Is this helping?
Q: Yes, thank you very much.
Q: Do you have a personal message for Keri?
Ham: Yes my dear, you are doing better than you think you are. You have
a great deal of inner strength, a great deal of integrity learned the
hard way. When you are faced with a difficulty, open your heart to the
Master's guidance. Pray that his hand will grasp your hand and reach out
to him completely and sincerely. You way will be opened so long as you
follow his guidance. Sometimes, that guidance is simply to stay and do
nothing. You must be willing to do this too. Be at peace my dear.
Q: Do you have a personal message for Charlie B?
Ham: Certainly, welcome the tests of faith my son. Do not be lazy about
exercising your faith. Demonstrate to the Master the depth and breadth
of your faith. There is no turning back from the faith journey you have
embarked upon. Therefore, take each struggle as a promise of victory.
But, do not be overly concerned with each temporary outcome. Look
instead to the overall direction. Plot your course and then with prayer
and steadfast faith move forward.
Are there any further questions at this time? Very well then, until next
week my love and prayers are with you each. Go in peace, farewell.
David G. Schlundt, Ph.D.
Associate Professor of Psychology
Department of Psychology
301 Wilson Hall
Nashville, TN 37203
Fax: (615) 343-8449
Email: David.Schlundt at Vanderbilt.edu
To science God is a possibility, to psychology
a desirability, to philosopy a probability, to
religion a certainty, an actuality of religious
The Urantia Book, page 1125
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