Transcript: Ham, April 26, 1998
karrieh at mail.quik.com
Sat May 2 04:05:24 PDT 1998
Date Posted: May 2, 1998
From: David Schlundt
Group: Nashville, TN
Transmission Date: April 26, 1998
Subjects: Expectations, Fears & Gift of Disappointment
Greetings, children, I am Ham and I thank you that you have come
tonight. We are alerted by your thought adjusters concerning things
you have experienced or are going to experience in the near future
and though it is usually somewhat difficult to coordinate lessons to
include everyone, when the group is smaller it is easier to do.
Tonight we will discuss disappointment. You all have experienced
this emotion which has to do with expectations. Disappointment is
not such a bad experience, it is an opportunity, rather, to look at
yourself, realistically, and to understand that you are not ready to
be where you thought you should be or have what you thought you
should have. Disappointment brings the cold and steady light of
truth into a realm where there was a fantasy or hopeful
expectation. It is a time to say, "this is where I am" and to be
accepting of this position rather than indulging in the tendency to
put the blame on other people.
Once you reach the point in your life where you know that the Father
is in total control of everything that happens to you, then you must
accept and appreciate all his gifts, especially the gift of
disappointment. It is only through this experience that you can
understand completely what your position is in relation to other
people, and in relation to your expectations of other people.
When you make plans that involve others, you make some assumption
about yourself and about them and about your relationship so that
when you are disappointed by another's actions, you learn better
about what in reality is your relationship and perhaps your relative
importance to that other person. And this, children, is valuable
information. It says nothing about your relationship with the
Father, which is steadfast and complete. It says nothing about your
inner self worth or your perception of yourself worth. It is
nothing more than information about the world and people in it. You
must develop the ability to separate these two things.
When you were a child and were first disappointed by your parents,
you all took this as a sign that you were not worth their trouble or
efforts in some way. You had no way to understand their greater
existence apart from you, and you could not understand why they
would prioritize anything ahead of you. But now you are grown, and
when you run across disappointment, you must be able to separate the
child like reaction of "I can't believe I am not the center of your
universe" to something more experienced and more knowing.
Now, you are all well grounded in your relationship with the Father,
this is one and only relationship which will never disappoint you.
In every other relationship, you will not be the number one priority
every second of every day. Only with the Father is this possible.
So, if your relationship with the Father is strong enough, human
beings will not be able to disappoint you because you will have
fewer expectations of them and when you are disappointed by others,
you will understand that this is only a lesson from the Father.
Once this becomes a pattern and a way of living, you will have no
more resentments or personal animosity against those who disappoint
you. Are there any questions at this time?
So, disappointments from other people and other situations have been
put in place by the Father for our edification?
That is hard for me to grasp.
I have a Ph.D. in disappointment. Sometimes we are on the wrong
course and need to be straightened out. What I wondered about was
this thought adjuster alert. Is there something big ahead. A
thought adjuster alert and a lesson on disappointment makes me a
I am understanding that you misunderstood my meaning. When I say we
are alerted by your thought adjusters, I meant we are told by your
thought adjusters or informed would be a better word as it is a
nonverbal form of communication.
Informed about some impending change or jump in spiritual level or
I think that was a beautiful lesson, very timely. I guess this
would make our questions tonight, do you have a lesson for me very
Ham do you have a message for me tonight
Yes, Dillman of course. Yes, I know you have experienced many deep
disappointments which could have been very damaging to you but you
have always managed to see some humor or some light hearted
acceptance in many disappointments that were very difficult to
accept. But you know, too, that these trials have been like a
polish on silver taking away the tarnished bits of self-love and
self-indulgence, taking away the illusions of ego gratification, and
have all worked to reveal your inner soul, the true you, that could
have gone much longer lost underneath years of tarnish and
misunderstanding of reality. Yes, son, you have needed your
disappointments. They have helped you gain a firm footing for what
is now the adventure of your life, seeking God and becoming closer
to him and more like him every day. Disappointments are like the
necessary finishing touches, the seasoning that makes everything
doable. Think of disappointments like little doses of wisdom. Is
Yes, thank you Ham.
Have you got a message for me? Disappointment has been one of my
Yes, certainly, you have used the experience of disappointment to
great and good ends. You have understood the importance of
disappointment in character building, both in yourself and in your
art. You have also walked with grace through some bitter
disappointments and have gained very much by it. You are a person
who naturally trusts others, who does not like to see the darker
reality or harsher reality about people, although you do not shrink
from it or deny it. You often wonder if there is any purpose for
your continuing idealism. Yes there is. Lose your idealism and you
lose the soul, the core of who you are. This continuing belief in
the world is to be applauded and must be upheld by you, even in the
face of the knowing cynicism of those who are wiser and more
experienced, or who like to think they are. Therefore, having
experienced disappointment and lived, you know that it is really not
as bad as not having any expectations, not hoping, or not dreaming.
Is this helping?
That was beautiful, two words I thank you for, art which is a word I
have never applied to what I do, art and Grace.
Daughter you must apply these words to yourself and what you do for
it is everything that you are, certainly, embodied in those words.
When we make plans with someone, and then they make a choice out of
fear which ends up disappointing us, it is not so much that the
Father caused another person to act out of fear; it is more that
the Father allows this to happen, that is people to choose, and in
doing so helps me learn from the experience?
Do you have feedback for me this week?
Yes, son, you too have had your share of disappointments, and you
tend to try to limit this experience by having few expectations or
as few as possible. This is more a way of protecting the ego than
just accepting disappointment when it comes. You can't get through
life without having expectations and at least some of these
expectations are bound for disappointment. The trick is, to not put
all your personal self investment into these expectations. Put all
your personal feelings of self-worth and stability and security even
wealth, feelings of wealth, with the Father. And so you can have
expectations with others, and with the world, and can experience
disappointment without it being crushing or an ego destroying
circumstance. When Jesus said to store your treasures in heaven,
this is what he was talking about. Where your real treasure is
there will your heart be, there is your soul, your person, so that
experiences of disappointment in the outer world are not shattering
at all, just lessons. Is this helping?
I can see what you are saying, but is seems like it will take me a
while to translate that into my every day life. It seems like it
would be a goal to work towards.
Think about the phrase, to lay up your treasure in heaven where no
burglar can steal it, and those burglars can come in the form of not
getting a promised promotion, not landing some kind of deal that you
thought you had, these kinds of things. If your treasure, your
personal investment is not entirely in these expectations, if this
lies elsewhere, then these experiences are not so bad.
You are telling me that I should have expectations about these
things, but just don't base my self-evaluation totally on these.
Thank you Ham, that is very helpful.
I was thinking about what the master said, to a God knowing kingdom
believer what does it matter if all earthly things would crash. At
this stage in my life, my biggest disappointments are in my self.
It comes out of expecting reasonable things of my self, things that
you thought I would be forthcoming with, that I would without
question do. But I find myself unable or unwilling at this time.
Would you comment on this please.
You can apply the same principles to yourself. Accept your
disappointment without it being so much of an investment, so much of
an ego investment because your real faith and real anchor is with
the Father. That is where your real treasure is. It is not in
physical appearance, or becoming a model of self-discipline. Your
real treasure and your real source of contentment and joy is with
the Father. So, these things are earthly things, and these things
can all crash and disappoint you. Yes, this is something you must
thing about and contemplate in the following week, yes.
Do you have anything else for me.
Son, you are doing very well. I would like to see you journaling
more and meditating more.
Do you have anything for Esmirelda.
Yes, daughter, you should also heed this lesson closely and remember
to let go of the attachments that are continually disappointing and
transfer these attachments to the Father, Michael, and the Mother
Spirit. This will help you begin to transcend your relationship
with your parents and will begin to bring you greater peace.
Yes, daughter, you have also had some experience with disappointment
and the fear of disappointing others. But, you are now learning
many things and are beginning to discover more about who you truly
are that is not based on the expectations of others. And this is
all as it should be.
Child, you have had some disappointing episodes lately that caused
you disappointment and also the fear of disappointing others. This
is a good lesson to be learning because these situations will be
continually reoccurring in your task and so you must learn to accept
and even embrace disappointment and embrace failure rather than be
crippled by it or letting it make you sick. You must bring the sick
feeling in the stomach up into the heart and allow the love of the
Father expressed through the heart to heal this sick feeling. You
tend to feel things physically, feel emotions physically. This is
good, you can deal then directly with the issue, with the problem
instead of going into a denial. You are forced to confront things
more than most people because you are so sensitive and physical in
your emotional reaction.
Do you have anything for Steve?
Son, you are physically far away from this group, however, I want
you to feel a part of it and think of yourself as a member of this
group. You have many lessons to learn and many experiences ahead.
Do not worry about you worthiness and do not doubt the sincerity of
the love of your brethren. You will have much to do in the future
and are needing some spiritual rest. Let go of your fears and your
concerns, allow the Father to lead you and let go and be happy.
May I ask for a message for Kellan please?
Son, you are shedding layers upon layers of old prejudices and
opinions that no longer serve you. You are revealing more and more
of your true self, as the days and weeks go by. This is a little
uncomfortable because everything is new and then its new again.
But, be comforted, stay close to the Father and to Michael and the
Mother Spirit. Let them strengthen you and lead you and when you
are too confused let go and fall into their arms. Let them take
care of whatever problem there is, and in doing this, lay hold of
faith in a way you have never allowed yourself to do before.
Farewell until next week. My love and prayers are with you each,
David G. Schlundt, Ph.D., Associate Professor of Psychology
301 Wilson Hall, Vanderbilt University
Nashville, TN 37240
Phone: (615) 322-7800 Fax: (615) 343-8449
E-mail: David.Schlundt at Vanderbilt.Edu
Anxiety must be abandoned. The disappointments hardest to bear are
those which never come. The Urantia Book, page 556.
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