[tmtranscripts] Nebadonia 3.12.07

[JERRY LANE]

Nebadonia—March 12, 2007

Marin T/M Group—Mill Valley, California—U.S.A.

NEBADONIA—T/R-JL

(Potentially autonomous and free)
(More on effort)
(Living in two worlds)
(Your ultimate freedom)
(Let your imagination go)

Dear Mother Spirit and Michael,    Welcome.  Come join us.  We ask you to 
circuit our minds in yours, and help us open our hearts to feel your 
presence.  We thank you for the ongoing gospel of the Teaching Mission—the 
good news of our intimate relationship with God, our Father, through a 
Fragment of his pure spirit, making us all brothers and sisters, and giving 
us the means whereby we can seek to know his will directly for ourselves.  
Amen.

NEBADONIA:  Good evening, my children, to those of you who are here, and all 
those who will come to read these words.  Thank you for your warm welcome.  
It is indeed fun for Michael and I to keep spreading the good news.  Just 
take a moment and see if you can feel my presence.  As with your Father 
Fragment, the ironic difficulty of feeling me within you lies in the fact we 
have always been here.  So once you are able to isolate or distinguish my 
presence distinctly in your mind, it may seem like an augmentation of a 
background that has always been there.  While you are still in this first, 
human life of yours, your material minds—your thinking processes and 
perceptions created directly by your physical brains, are augmented by the 
vital pulsation’s of my Mind/Spirit Adjutants throughout our Local Universe. 
  Once you are reconstituted on the Mansion Worlds you will move on to 
another kind of mind we call Morontia, a different blending with a more 
subtle substance so that from your standpoint now, your minds will be just 
that much less material and more spiritual.  Your inner perceptions of your 
Father Fragment, and Michael’s and my presence’s, will be so much stronger, 
but, as of right now, never intrusive.

(Potentially autonomous and free)

You see, we want you to have your own lives.  We deeply respect the way God 
made you, potentially autonomous and free-willed—even if this is still more 
in potential than what you’ve yet achieved.  We do not go so far as to say 
your humanity depends upon your exercising your free-will, for your 
personality—created by God—is deserving of unlimited respect and 
acknowledgment.  But for your inner life, my children, it is true that you 
reap the rewards of being a creature of will-dignity to the degree you have 
this kind of self-control coupled with a deep desire to know in fullness all 
that is spiritually implied in what you do.  This fullness of realization is 
capable of nigh endless  expansion, even while you are in this first phase 
of your eternal life.

More and more you can bring your own will in alignment with God’s will, 
which is the same as aligning your will with the general trend of the 
creation.  God’s will alone does determine the trend of the whole cosmos.  
He alone is responsible for it, for he alone can respond totally, 
absolutely, infinitely, perfectly, to it.  So you needn’t bridle at the 
notion of a Thought Adjuster controlling your thoughts, of being somehow 
intimidated or determined by some predestination—other than how Reality 
itself is going in total.  The scope of your will has been very wisely and 
lovingly limited to the realm of your consciousness, and this is primarily 
so you don’t inadvertently injure yourself.  In other words, by the time you 
are able to consciously control some self-generated function, you will have 
gained the wisdom to do so in the very success of that ability.  As Michael 
said last week, he too had to constantly and lovingly seek God’s will in 
order to keep expanding his capacity for experience, ever enlarging his 
consciousness to realize the full meaning and value of what he was capable 
of doing.

This is the way to freedom.  You’ve all had wonderful examples of this, 
living in your modern age, in how you can feel and realize an ever greater 
freedom just to the degree you can understand natural, physical laws as 
preexistent and universal.  Also in the last century you’ve become more and 
more aware of general psychological influences and determinism’s, and have 
gained great inner freedom by understanding what might be loosely described 
as mental laws.  Now your Urantia book has informed you that some of the 
first courses of study in the next worlds to come will be spiritual 
laws—Morontia mota—as they become a greater part of your experience.

Yet at one time the notion of discovering ever more rigid and impersonal 
laws of nature would have terrified those primitive souls who believed and 
perceived everything was personal, and therefore amenable to all sorts of 
magical rites, sympathetic vibrations to influence these personal spirits—of 
the weather, the seasons, the whole natural world.  It has been the general 
trend of civilization to discover objective laws, and although you can all 
enjoy what you call roughing-it, or camping out in the wilderness for a few 
weeks, it is nice to have that modern, scientifically-based medicine 
available if some injury occurs.  It is nice to have the choice.

These are ways, my children, in which bringing your will into accord with 
the single, greatest will which created all that is--both directly and 
through all his many Creative Sons and Daughters, yet not being enslaved to 
ideas of predestination, opens you up to infinity, infinity beyond your 
wildest dreams, infinity of adventure you will never exhaust.

(More on effort)

Also tonight I’d like to comment on and extend what Michael taught last 
week, and consider once again the nature of effort.  This is a bit tricky 
for it’s like the old puzzle: if a tree falls in the wilderness and no one 
hears it, does it make any sound?  But that can be resolved easily simply by 
defining what you mean by “sound.”  Obviously there are measurable 
vibrations of different density going out through the air in ripples.  It is 
somewhat similar with respect to the concept of effort.  It can have a kind 
of empirical meaning as that measurable force which is applied to accomplish 
work, but it also has the connotation of what you feel, and this is usually 
what is meant.  What is your inner experience with regards to that work, 
distinct from the work?  This inner feeling can even mask or distort your 
direct experience of the work—considered abstractly: i.e. it can take more 
effort in getting started, than in the doing.

When you were very young and still quite unlearned as to what different 
activities required, you quickly learned through trial and error, dozens of 
small, painful mistakes, and successes, to get a sense of yourself that grew 
as your ego, your perception of yourself.  Not knowing yet what you could 
do, and pulling a little muscle, skinning your knuckles, stubbing your toe, 
being stumped mentally, effort quickly became a psychological measuring of 
what you were doing within yourself, while the work itself was still—as it 
were, still bereft of craftsmanship, or knowledge, or wisdom—alien, 
mysterious, unknown.  You could loose yourself in some activity, say, taking 
a long walk, and find yourself totally exhausted far from home.  So you 
learned to pay strict attention to what activities cost you in energy, 
determination, concentration--inside.

Then as the years of experience accumulated, as your soul grew, as your 
wisdom deepened, as your craftsmanship developed, you had moments when it 
seemed you would return once again to a child-like state of getting lost in 
your work.  Not needing any longer to pay such strict attention to the inner 
effort involved, you had touches of a seeming effortlessness, when, as 
Michael said, you became totally committed to the event itself.  The 
psychological, self-aware, measuring component vanished and you could feel a 
thrill in just the pure substance of what it was you were doing.  Think of 
your intricate machines, your beautiful tools—once you’ve learned how to 
work and play with them: I won’t go into the romance you have with your 
automobiles—too much: something about feeling one with the car—having the 
car become an extension of your body?

Finally you arrive at wonderful times of total commitment, total 
un-self-awareness, but based on wisdom now, based on years and years of 
experience so you can now forget yourself with impunity.  You appreciate how 
your will is beginning to be in alignment with that greater will which 
created all this natural law, your understanding of which has given you such 
power.  The effort is still there in an empirical kind of way, it still 
takes physical, or mental, or spiritual force to accomplish things, but the 
psychological component is at peace.  All these are ways you’ve extended 
your freedom: you’ve earned it.

In a same way, my children, you are earning this physical/mental/spiritual 
realm you find yourselves in.  No matter how you may grow in spiritual 
status and encompass dimensions upon dimensions beyond your wildest 
imaginings now, you will always be in touch with and able to perceive this 
reality you now inhabit and is made realizable through all your physical, 
flesh-and-blood perceptions.  Look around and know deep in your soul: you 
are earning this, you are making it yours.  Though we often refer to it as 
the finite realm, for all your various human limitations, never forget the 
fact--see if you  can perceive—your reality is already infinite to you, both 
in extension—out into infinity and down into the infinitesimal, and 
intention—your Father Fragment’s intention for a perfect life, for you.  
Enjoy it well.

If you have any questions or comments this evening, feel free.

Student:  Yes, Mother, I thank you for that last statement.  I’m looking 
forward to experiencing in stillness the infinity of my being.  I sometimes 
wonder through all the things I’ve come to read, and experience in all the 
meetings and gatherings, and healing sessions, and meditations, who am 
I—still?  Have I progressed, enough, in a quantitative, or even qualitative 
way—as a human being?  I know I’ve grown inwardly through effort, but I 
question my outward life.  It seems to be the same, except for my 
granddaughter.  I still lack—materially, and I still have no relationship 
with anyone.  But I also feel…complete, at home base within myself.

I know I’m rambling here, but I do feel I’m getting a sense of God’s will, 
and being in alignment with it, more and more.  When I feel I’m coming from 
myself, I feel constricted, but when I’m feeling my God-self, I feel more 
expansive.  I’m able to go with the flow—so to speak—and things feel more 
effortless, and in harmony.

NEBADONIA:  Yes, my son, rest assured I don’t consider you as schizophrenic 
as you…

Student (laughing):  Yeah, I feel that way at times.  It’s like, how am I 
to—and I’m sure Jesus experienced the same thing at times—maybe—of being in 
two worlds.  There’s obviously one reality, but being in this…I feel 
different.  I do.

(Living in two worlds)

NEBADONIA:  Well, I was teasing, of course.  Because this is something we 
have been encouraging all of you to get into for quite a while now.  Michael 
touched on it last week as having the nerve to feel the disconnect, or 
stretch, between the real and the ideal.  For it might be what you call a 
cop-out to opt for one at the expense of the other.  Tonight I wished to 
express how your freedom is so dependant on your staying open to both where 
you are and your great distance from God’s will, and having the human 
quality of patience with yourself in holding onto ideals.  Welcome the 
humility of knowing how enormous God’s will must be, and how it will take an 
eternity to even begin to approach it, it is so transcendent.  Yet it is 
also so immediate, so immanent.  You are not even keeping your own heart 
beating, as we love to say.  You can feel your inner growth becoming more 
and more vibrant, and flexible, and fun, even while your outward appearance 
can seem to hardly change at all.

You are in two worlds, my son.  It is a matter of rejoicing that you can 
know this.  You even have some of your sweet old hymns to the effect that, 
This world is not my own—meaning not for long.  We give you the example of 
the Primary and Secondary Midwayers as the true inhabitants of the planet, 
compared to which you don’t spend much time here at all.  This is more like 
a launching pad, a point of departure.  It is so rewarding to us you can 
begin to experience, for all your imperfection, a feeling of completeness, a 
feeling of your cosmic actuality, everywhere as important as your sense of 
freedom.  It can keep growing, and will.  The hardest thing for us to convey 
to you is how, in the coming phases of your life, you will feel more actual 
to yourself: these are processes of an ongoing actualization across ever 
greater dimensions of energy/material, and mind, and spirit; and others we 
cannot describe in your language.  Even materially you will always have a 
great relationship with stuff, for as you chase it down into the 
sub-sub-sub-atomic level, and out into the galaxies of the outer space 
levels, you are face to face with a very practical infinity.

Student:  So where’s my place in all of this?  My own place?  In these two 
worlds?  I feel I’ve made a commitment to myself, and to God, to actualize 
to the best of my  efforts, all that I can in my own way.  But I also feel 
somewhere along the line I’m missing something, I’m not totally connecting, 
I’m either holding back…I don’t know: maybe I am OK.  (laughs)  Maybe I’m 
putting too much pressure on myself.  I just want to know where my place is 
in all of this.

NEBADONIA:  My son, this is your place.  You’ve just wonderfully defined it. 
  You are building a nest; this is your soul.  This is the actuality you are 
beginning to feel.  This is the strange paradox of being almost like a 
little God yourself, a little speck of divinity--for you are a part of the 
Deity Absolute and can feel your completeness moment to moment; yet also 
being aware of what we call your imperfection insofar as you are capable of 
infinite growth and expansion toward perfection.  Imperfection only exists  
by relationship to this enormous potential that you are, and the perfection 
that God is.  You can think of yourself as 99.9999 percent potential.  Your 
personality has no limits that can be put upon it crossing the whole 
physical cosmos, and billions of years of time, to come, just approaching 
Paradise for the first time.

So this is your home, this situation you find yourself in—complete, and yet 
capable of being more and more replete—forever.  You are a persisting 
reality, my son.  (Mother Spirit laughs)

Student:  And I guess I shouldn’t judge my own progress by material 
appearances.

NEBADONIA:  Let’s just say appearances are a small part of progress, and 
they will continue to become smaller.  Ultimately, finally, appearances 
coincide with inner reality.

Student:  When you say I’m this infinite potential, and I guess it will 
always be infinite, then I feel like, at some level, it can’t be prevented.  
It has to be.

(Your ultimate freedom)

NEBADONIA:  No…  We say it is very much something you can refuse.  This is 
your ultimate freedom: you can choose to cease to exist.  You can refuse 
this growth, this potential--which is a good definition of dying, of ceasing 
to exist.  Because everything else is expanding, is growing.  In a way you 
cannot yet comprehend in space-and-time terms, total reality is like a 
balloon which is constantly expanding, and you can only hold this dynamic 
concept for a few moments, and it seems something has to give.  How can all 
of reality keep expanding? Yet it is: without end.  As this is God’s will, 
it has to become yours too.  But it is a choice.

Student:  I do choose this, but deep down inside there’s all this fear.  I 
mean I do feel my fear of the change.  If I do access all this potential, 
how can I live on the planet?  So maybe I’m perceiving incorrectly.

NEBADONIA:  My son, we do make the distinction between judgement and 
assessment, not so much in qualitative, but purely quantitative terms.  We 
ask you don’t judge yourselves, or each other, in a total kind of way 
because your totality—as we see it—is nowhere available to you yet.  You are 
more than you can be conscious of—yet.  Yet life does require you to make 
provisional assessments, and you can have a sense of relief in realizing 
they are only provisional.  There is wisdom in getting through today while 
at the same time keeping an eye out for tomorrow--using all your foresight, 
and being aware of how provisional it is too.

Student:  I understand how living for today lays the foundation for a 
greater experience of tomorrow.

NEBADONIA:  Yes, it’s been expressed as today—now—being the fulcrum point of 
all that’s to come.

Student:  I just don’t want to let myself down with respect to what I could 
be—what God intended for me to be.

NEBADONIA:  This is your intrinsic sense of morality that can be welcome in 
your consciousness—or not!  It is in your own best interest to embrace this 
as thoroughly as you can.  As Michael spoke of last week, there is a way of 
resting in each moment’s activity with a sense of commitment, being one with 
your activities, and yet removing yourself from them in your meditative 
reflection after the fact.  Evaluate: what was that?  You will feel yourself 
going back and forth between these two realms of commitment and then 
reflection and assessment.

I’m sure you’ve known individuals who opted for one at the expense of the 
other, either immersing themselves in unreflective action, or becoming lost 
in reflection and disconnected from life-affirming activity: another 
balance, if you will.

Student:  You and Michael have been encouraging us to use our imaginations, 
and stepping off.  I’m not sure I know where to begin—with imagination.  So… 
Any ideas…
(laughs)  I see Jesus as having had a great imagination as to what he wanted 
to bring forth.

(Let your imagination go)

NEBADONIA:  We call this the self-power of your own spirit.  You have my 
Mind/Spirit Adjutants, you have Michael’s Spirit of Truth, you have the 
Father’s pure spiritual presence within you; but you also have your own 
personality’s spirit, co-creating your reality—realizing you and your world 
for yourself.  To the degree this is as yet unconscious and untried, you can 
only experiment by letting your imagination go.  Don’t keep it on too tight 
a rein at first.  Make notes about what you want to see happen.  Wonder who 
you might want to grow to be.  What other powers, what other abilities, what 
other kind of freedom might be in line with God’s will for you?  This is the 
inner work that originates a greater sense of freedom because now you have 
choices to make.

It can be very discomforting at first.  It can make you feel small, or 
unfulfilled, as you imagine all these other things you might be.  But that’s 
another price to pay for your freedom.  It will give you a greater sense of 
who you are, just by comparison.  And you might as well start acquiring this 
ability now.  You will always need it.  We talked about it before in terms 
of: what do you want?

Student:  I guess I just don’t want to…just daydream.

NEBADONIA:  Which is why it’s necessary to make notes of these things and 
actually try them.  Some might well be silly, or impractical, or impossible; 
but you get a good reflection back from all of them.  You develop a sense of 
what rings true, what seems in accord with God’s intention for you.  So many 
people stop with only the idea of doing these things—this inner work, but it 
can be real experience.

Student:  I love this—it’s all so good!  (laughs)

NEBADONIA:  My son, this creates an ever larger space around you.  You can 
find a moment-to-moment comfort within this larger space of possibility.  It 
may be a little disconcerting or uncomfortable at first, but how else can 
you know whether or not you are limiting yourself, except by comparison to 
what you yourself might want to do?

A lot of this sounds strange when it’s put into the English language this 
way, but I’m sure when you reflect on this and reread it, a lot of this will 
be recognizable and familiar.  You are doing this already.  You are 
wondering what other work you might do, who else you might be, who might you 
find for a companion.  This is all your inner creativity.  You have 
expressed how it is discomforting, at times.  But does it give you a sense 
of who you are?

Student:   Yes…  Yes, it does.  Thank you.

NEBADONIA:  You are very welcome.  These are the reality-experiments you are 
involved in.  They are very much your home.  And this is intended--from the 
standpoint of spirit.

You are quite blessed to be sharing your life with others.  You take them 
into account in your mind, and in your imagination of what might be better 
for them as well.  You weigh all these alternatives too.

As I said at the beginning, these are some strange and wonderful notions of 
freedom and effort.  What is my will?  What is God’s will?  Or, as you like 
to put it: what is his original intention for me?  How can I find out?

We call your attention to the principle of feedback because you can imagine 
something, you can have your own ideas right from your own personality; and 
then you can hang yourself out there and step off in faith because you don’t 
know yet what the result will be: and reality—including yourself and all 
those you know, and then all that impersonal universe out there, all that 
stuff—does answer.  You do get a result from your reality-experiment.  You 
soul is growing.  You are earning this realm of flesh-and-blood, and it will 
be yours to perceive forever, even when you become pure spirit.  In this 
time of being human you can feel my love, and know Michael’s peace, and 
share your life with God.  Good evening.


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