[tmtranscripts] Nebadonia 6.26.06

[JERRY LANE]

Dear Folks,    Happy Independence Day!  Here's a light-hearted lesson from 
Mother Spirit on...how to be light-hearted.  Enjoy, Jerry.

Nebadonia—June 26, 2006

Marin TM Group—Mill Valley, California—U.S.A.

NEBADONIA—T/R-JL

(Suspend your disbelief and entertain possibility)
(Living in transition)
(Spirit is the real solid ground)
(Personal relationship with Mother Spirit)
(One foot on the dock, the other in a boat)
(The real event of experiencing love transforms you)
(Two intertwined modalities—spirit and mind)
(Letting go the illusions of certainty)


Dear Mother Spirit and Michael,    We thank You for the inspiration You’ve 
given us through Your lessons, encouraging us to keep stretching towards 
understanding this transcendent reality that enfolds us.  We also thank You 
for being living examples of how spirit is ever gentle and supportive, ever 
respectful of our views--even while You point us towards greater truth.  You 
give us hope that we too can grow towards treating our fellows as You do.  
Amen.

NEBADONIA:  Good evening, My sons, this is your mother, Nebadonia.  How I do 
enjoy your spirited discussions preceding our lessons.  You’ve probably 
noticed yourselves that it actually calms your minds and opens your spirits 
to receive Our lessons.  You are all good students.  You enjoy practicing 
this openness We’ve been teaching, respecting and staying open to each 
others’ viewpoints.  For this is the purpose of Our lessons: to transform 
all who will but entertain the possibilities We put forth.

(Suspend your disbelief and entertain possibility)

We do not ask you to blindly believe all that We teach, but only suspend 
your disbelief to entertain the possibility of what We offer.  Let it 
resonate in your heart.  Let it reflect in your mind.  Let it inspire your 
spirit and feed your soul.  As We’ve said before, you know you are changing 
and growing when the world about you undergoes a corresponding, 
complimentary subtle change, when your fellows seem deeper and more complex, 
outgrowing the stereotypes with which you might once have considered them.

When you begin to perceive the uniqueness in each individual--and welcome 
this, however it destroys and tears asunder your facile generalizations; 
then you know you are growing in spirit.  We warn you: be prepared for some 
transitional confusion as your generalizations and stereotypes fall aside.  
It can seem at times you are heading into unnecessary complications, that 
things are escaping and getting away from you, that you are standing on a 
very slippery ground of previous assumptions.

Know that in coming to Us and taking Our lessons to heart, this is what you 
are asking for.  You said it in your prayer this evening: welcome this 
stretch towards an ever greater understanding of a reality that will always 
be transcendent.  All through eternity you can only approach perfection, you 
can only approach the Godhead, the absoluteness and infinity of the 
personality of God.

This slippery ground under your feet, My children, is because it’s alive.  
The most solid ground you can stand on is spiritual.  So ever keep in mind 
the Origin of the physical and the mental dimensions of reality.  As Michael 
said last week, this is the essence that precedes existence.  This is just 
another reason why your orientation has to be towards the future, towards 
growth, towards discovery.  This is why your greatest strength is in 
enthusiasm, in hopefulness, in joyfully, gleefully embracing that which 
seemingly contradicts what you believe.  This is especially true with all 
your political and social considerations.  Strive to understand and be 
conversant with all points of view.

Forsake simplemindedness.  For true spiritual simplicity, finding those 
single precious threads that run through all the viewpoints, can only come 
about when you thoroughly entertain every viewpoint.  This is how you avoid 
being a fundamentalist yourself, how you keep in mind the transcendent 
nature of reality simply because it is God’s creation.  And this takes 
awhile.  It’s something you have to get used to, this slippery ground which 
is only your fading, once so rigid and cocksure evaluations and assumptions.

(Living in transition)

Get used to living in transition.  Welcome it as proof you are alive.  These 
are all intrinsically uncomfortable situations to be in if you associate 
yourself with your own thoughts, with your own opinions, with your own past 
evaluations. This has been pretty much the history of philosophy of the 
world’s peoples, this constant search for assurance.  This is all very 
understandable and, in the early stages of an individual’s, or culture’s, or 
a society’s immaturity, unavoidable.

But reality itself, being transcendent, calls to you to let the past be the 
past; in fact, be open to it.  Be conscious of, and realize all the steps 
you’ve come through, all the ideas and notions you’ve had in the past that 
simply proved limited but necessary stepping stones.

The present moment is alive and, from a human viewpoint, somewhat 
spontaneous.  It’s a marvelous dance going on We call upon you to join.  
Realize that all of your notions, all of your ideas, even your ideals, are 
provisional.  All human truth insofar as it can be expressed within 
yourself, or to each other, is highly conditioned, right down to the 
language with which you use to express it.

And so, My children, if reality is so slippery, so alive, so changing, 
vibrant, dynamic, how can you do anything?  This is where you learn a 
process of letting go, feeling life as it slides through your hands.  For 
reality is like trying to hold some only half-tame wild little animal that 
will totally panic and attack if you try to hold it too tight.  Think of 
having some beautiful, young fox in your hands—raised from a kit, but still 
a fox.  You have to keep letting it go as it struggles to be free, then 
catching it again, letting it slide through your hands, one after another, 
as it struggles to be free.

(Spirit is the real solid ground)

This is the situation you find yourself in as you allow yourself to feel 
more and more the living nature of truth.  This becomes your solid ground as 
a spiritual home base within yourself you achieve by a process of relaxing, 
just paying attention, getting used to not having to define and categorize 
and generalize to support some illusion you’re actually capturing something. 
  This is the spontaneous present moment that Michael gave you some lessons 
on how to achieve last week: you will know you are pointed in right 
direction, you are feeling your way along this dimension, because the 
quality of your life will be increasing.

It takes awhile, but you can become comfortable living in transition.  Here 
you will find not only a lot more fun, but this is where you find patience.  
This is where you find openness and tolerance toward your fellows.  This is 
the spiritual fragrance with which you entice others to join you in a very 
direct and meaningful relationship with them.

Yes, be gentle.  Be respectful of other viewpoints.  For this is what you 
have to offer.  This is how you play the part of living spirit.  This is how 
you avoid dogma and polarization, settling into points of view that need to 
be so defended you end up defending your defenses.

So, yes, My children, keep stretching your understanding of how 
relinquishing yourself, forgetting yourself, actually leads to greater life. 
  These are only paradoxes seen from a conventional point of view, and We 
are asking you to step out of convention to know a fulfilling life full of 
unique events.  Let your orientation be everywhere outward in all the realms 
of physical health, an invigorated, curious mind, and an ultimate home base 
in spirit.

Come awake.  Let go the sleepy dreams of self-assurance through clinging to 
all your ideas and opinions.  See your brothers and sisters in all their 
full glory, and shine this back to them.  Be the cheerful, supportive person 
with real character and soul, and don’t be surprised then at the love you 
find in your life.  You’ll have become the origin of it.  You’ll have taken 
one more step approaching the Father.  This too you will know when you see 
the people about you are truly lovely.

So strive to make this vision I’ve just given you a reality, and you do 
this, ironically, by letting go, by welcoming a reality that is already 
there.  This is not something you create so much as you recognize and 
respect, doing your part to let it be.

If you have any questions or comments this evening, I do believe this is the 
time for them.

Student:   Mother Nebadonia, I feel a bit torn tonight.  I have personal 
questions I wish to ask You about our relationship, and I have a basketful 
of curiosity questions pretty much all over the chart.  But I don’t want to 
let this opportunity slip by without some satisfaction.  I don’t know how 
much freedom I have here.  May I ask You personal questions?

NEBADONIA:  Yes, My son--Michael and I have always encouraged this above 
all.  Like in the story of the woman at the well who missed her opportunity 
to speak really personally with Jesus, We’d prefer you speak from your heart 
and use this time in a way that really counts.  So, yes, of course.

(Personal relationship with Mother Spirit)

Student:  Well then, I would like to ask You: why have You been calling to 
me so much lately, and asking me to love You more?  How can I love You more, 
Mother?  Why do You continue to ask me this?  And You say to me: Love 
yourself more.   And I ask You: How can I love myself more; and how can this 
help me love You more?  I wish to love You with every ounce of my being, 
Mother.  I feel Your presence and the beauty of it.  Perhaps You can show me 
how I can fulfill this desire.  Perhaps You are showing me that You are 
aware of my desire to know You more, to love You more.  Mother, why do you 
continue to ask me that?

NEBADONIA:  My dear son, never forget that I am part of you, and I 
experience everything you do as part of your mind.  In this sense, there is 
no separation between us.  I immediately feel all your affection, and I 
would wish only to still your doubt.  For it is only your evaluation that 
you do not love Me enough.  It is not Mine.  If you seek to love Me more, 
simply love My children more.

But this is an eternal quest for you, My son, as it is for all your brothers 
and sisters.  As I said during My last lesson: you must be well grounded in 
the real.  You yourself need to appreciate your own love.  You need to feel 
it beaming out from you to My other children so that this ideal of loving 
more, that you strive for, does not abrade you with feelings of inadequacy 
or insufficiency.

Moment by moment you are a complete being, My son, however you strive to 
grow, and need to strive this way to keep growing.  For you also need to 
realize that in this present moment, this Eternal Now, you fully—are--and 
you are My son.  I do not ask of you: I feel your love.  Now I want you to 
take up your soulful residence in the middle of this love We share, and then 
accept: My love is unconditional.  There is nothing you can do to earn it, 
for any such notion only serves to divide you within yourself.

There is nothing standing between us.  But can you accept this?  Do you have 
the free will with which to accept yourself?  This is not something you have 
to answer right now, but I ask you to consider it.  Neither Michael nor I 
ask of you anything you are not already giving Us, joyfully.

You see, this is what it means for Me to be your spiritual mother, the 
origin of so much of your own mind.  Do you understand?

Student:  Yes, Mother, I do, and I will consider the question.

(One foot on the dock, the other in a boat)

NEBADONIA:  We’ve likened the human situation to having one foot on a solid 
dock and the other in a bobbing boat.  Tonight I talked about the living 
aspect of that boat, of your perceptions bobbing around, and the fact that 
the solid dock you have your other foot on is actually spirit--which does 
not even seem real, as you know, to some of your brothers and sisters.  But 
that is your living human reality.

You also always have one foot in the real and one in the ideal.  You are 
complete, you are fully real; and yet you want to grow.  You want to keep up 
with and be a part of a growing universe.  You want to be more perfect.  
Remember that Michael and I, and our Father, see you fully in your 
completeness.  We see the vast extent of the soul you are growing.  And so 
you can trust Us, even though We too will ever be transcendent to you.  You 
can always find Us as you find yourself--in your own home base--with the 
courage of acceptance.  Is there any other way I can help you?

Student:  What seems to elude me, and many, many of us here, is that simple 
request: that we learn to accept ourselves and, as You call it, our 
completeness.  I pray that I will receive these glimpses of Your vision of 
who I am, more and more, as I have learned to accept my brothers and  my 
sisters as they are.  In doing so I can learn to accept myself as I am.  For 
it has eluded me in the past.  But as You say, we are not our stories.  
Thank You, Mother.

NEBADONIA:  You are very welcome, My son.  You see clearly how accepting 
yourself, and accepting others, are so intimately related.  My lesson 
tonight was to assure you that when you feel these profoundly deep anxieties 
as to your very existence, and you cannot always realize your own 
completeness in the present moment, know that you may be approaching a 
greater truth.

You may be approaching the living essence of spirit, so give yourself credit 
that your insight and your understanding are dissolving all the one-time 
sureties you once so confidently thought you had captured.  I might suggest 
that one flavor of life is irony.  It takes a very strong person indeed, 
with great courage, to see that Michael and I, and our Father, do have a 
sense of humor.  And so We encourage you to see Us this way--not only as 
your helpmates, but as your playmates too; and join the dance.

You are complete, so you needn’t take yourself too seriously.  Be in My 
love, My son, and be in My joy and laughter as well.

Student:  Thank You, Mother.

Student:  Mother, this question of R’s does bring up something I’m not clear 
on.  Must I love and accept myself before I can love and accept others, or 
is the process interrelated?  That is, I accept myself, and accept others, 
and these feed upon themselves?

NEBADONIA:  My son, another way of looking at this is to see that love is 
what connects you with others, and yourself.  If you look right at the 
nature of this connection itself, then there is no separation as to which 
comes first--which is the chicken or the egg, cause or effect.

(The real event of experiencing love transforms you)

Generally speaking, if you are too anxious about yourself, you have little 
energy left over to really notice and take in others.  Yet you’ve 
experienced how the miracle of friendship, or falling in love, can give you 
a taste of this possible connection between people.  In other words, the 
real event of experiencing love--that this quality does exist--transforms 
you.  It gives you such a feeling of existing that both you and your friend 
are simultaneously enhanced along this loving dimension of reality: the 
reality of love.

This is similar to Michael’s point last week: that the more you experience 
another personality--that independent, different personality exists, the 
more it resonates within your own.  It even adds to your realizing the 
personality of God--that there is a Supreme Being who creates unique 
personalities.  To answer your question: yes, these are most intimately 
related.

This is the spiritual unity We talk about that is so contra-distinct from 
uniformity.  This is the love that really unites different spiritual beings. 
  So be not anxious, My son, about your existence.  Practice your stillness 
and get this sense of yourself, independent of any particular activity or 
ideal, and you will simultaneously be able, then, to welcome others more and 
more into yourself.  You’ll be able, more and more, to let go of yourself 
and take a genuine interest in others.  We realize this does take faith and 
courage to let go this way.  Does this answer your question?

Student:  It’s beginning to.  I see it’s much easier for me to love and 
accept others than it is to love and accept myself.  But I don’t know as yet 
what to do about that one.  I can make a decision and say I accept myself, 
but it doesn’t seen to stick very well.  I can make the decision to love 
myself, but that doesn’t seem to stick very well either.

But I do recognize that I am loved by You and Michael and the Heavenly 
Father, and numerous other beings that I don’t know much about.  I have no 
doubt or question about that love because I’ve experienced it from time to 
time, and I would like to experience more of it.

NEBADONIA:  My son, this is why We say that you experience this spiritual 
sense of yourself not by an exertion, not by, shall we say, setting out to 
love yourself, for any such activity like this will be based on the smaller 
part of you, your ego.  What you need is to discover yourself.  This is a 
process of letting go, relaxing.  Only you do have to value this sense of 
yourself enough to set aside a part of your day and do it.  You cannot feel 
that practicing stillness or meditation fails if you have not given it a 
full and honest possibility.

Student:  Yes, I see that.  I was also wondering if this sense of myself is 
what You and Michael talk about as being a home base?

NEBADONIA:  Yes.  It’s an awareness of your profound reality, that you are 
more than this person you think you need to love.  It’s a way of setting 
aside your ego, your normal awareness of yourself--these ideas of who you 
are that you identify with, and identify with pure consciousness.  This 
takes some effort and some time, some long periods of meditation to wade 
through--if you will, sometimes like thick grease up to your waist--all 
these notions of your own anxieties or inadequacies, failures, 
shortcomings--all these aspects you consider so unlovely.  Sometimes you 
even have to wade through a guilt that in feeling your own completeness, you 
are only involved in a kind of petty self-satisfaction.  This guilt can keep 
driving you along, yet consistently off balance.

These notions are what stillness precipitates: which is why it is so 
uniquely difficult at first.  You may feel it is causing the anxieties.   
This is why I gave My lesson tonight on how meditation can, at first, seem 
to be going in the wrong direction, wiping out all your sureties as it gets 
rid of these notions you thought you were.  It takes a while for you to 
comprehend: you are enabling your personality to realize itself directly as 
the pure spirit it is, and you are—essentially.  This is your eternal, 
spiritual part, and so it is a prize of great value, My son, and worth this 
practice of stillness to experience.

So persevere.  Trust that stillness has to be somewhat unique and 
unconventional for it to work.  Otherwise you would not need it, and We 
would not waste your time and Ours with so many lessons on what’s involved.  
But if you want the rewards of realizing your completeness and spiritual 
home base, you have to sincerely try it.  I do hope this inspiration helps 
you move forward.

Student:  Yes, Mother, thank You, it does.  I recognize I have a lot of 
things that need to be modified or changed.  But I do want the rewards.  
Thank You very much.

NEBADONIA:  You’re welcome, My son.  Just step off with My love.  (I will)

Student:   Yes, Mother, as I was sitting here I started feeling really 
uncomfortable looking at myself, regarding my relationship with (Name).  I 
feel a deep sense of loss, and apprehension and anxiety.  (long pause, many 
sighs)

NEBADONIA:  This could be, My son, because you are truly grasping the 
meaning of My words, and taking the lesson to heart—allowing yourself to 
feel what may have been suppressed for awhile.

Student:  Actually it started last weekend, in my gathering on Saturday--the 
pain involved.  It seems like I closed my heart, closed my mind, or it wants 
to open.  I guess it’s part of my  nature to always be hopeful, even beyond 
reality.  It seems like all my relationships with women have been either 
unhappy or tragic.  I just so desire to be able to love someone, and be 
loved for who I am, and to share myself with another.  But maybe that’s a 
fantasy.

I’ve also come to understand too that I’m my own self-discovery, that God, 
and You and Michael, love me no matter what.  I do take consolation in that. 
  I’ve also been experiencing a deep sense of loneliness, which goes to the 
core of who I am—my identity.  But when I was meditating yesterday in the 
park; I went there feeling what I’m feeling now, and as I sat there and just 
watched and listened to what was going on within me and all around me, it 
kind-of dissipated,  as I let go, and let God.

The same thing happened today when I came home from work and lied down.  It 
feels so self-absorbed, like I’m not fully alive, like it’s so dense.  As 
You say: Let go of my perceived self, of my desires and neediness, and 
feelings of loneliness, which are really painful.  But I can’t escape them 
either.  As I allow myself to kind-of experience it, and let it go to run 
its course, and let God, it slowly seems to change within me.  I feel less 
self-absorbed.  I feel more centered, and lighter.

Then as my meditation was ending so I could come here, then the words, God 
is everything, came through.  I felt more at peace, more in the moment, more 
sure of who I am, for all the depths of loneliness and the love I feel for 
this woman.  I could see how it works.

(Two intertwined modalities—spirit and mind)

NEBADONIA:  Yes, My son, it may help you to understand and, strange as it 
may seem, actually have faith and confidence in the necessity for this 
process you are going through, if you consider that you know and experience 
by two intertwined modalities.  You know things spiritually 
directly—im-mediately, without mediation.  This is why when your mind is 
agitated you’ve learned to let go into your stillness and rediscover, 
re-realize your completeness as a child of God, as His creation.  But your 
mind knows things more by contrast and comparison, and so realizes, also 
validly, your present situation by comparing it to when you were with this 
other person.  So the loneliness, the loss, the change is also very real, 
and reoccurring.  For you are not yet capable of letting go continuously, to 
let the spiritual assurance of your completeness sustain you  There is no 
way you can generate it, or hold onto it for—as We’ve talked about—it is 
bigger than you.  You have to just keep letting go, for as you get back into 
activity, your mind takes over again, and once again you feel by way of 
contrast with what you once had, the fact you do not have it any longer.

Spirit is what unites and heals, but unfortunately it takes a while for your 
mind to simply wear itself out, and get tired of the contrast.  You are 
gaining wisdom, My son, and keeping your spiritual touch with possibility, 
wisely taking out time to be still, reconnect with Us, and our Father, and 
rediscover your completeness.

Student:  Part of it too is my deep concern for her, for she is sacrificing 
our relationship to take care of her children, and herself.  She’s said she 
doesn’t have the energy or wherewithal to be in a relationship with me 
too—as it stands.  Obviously I can be there for her in spirit…

NEBADONIA:  Well, give yourself credit for acknowledging and respecting her 
free will, however you may judge it to be correct or incorrect.  For you 
could, as you certainly know of other examples, make it terrible for her by 
refusing to acknowledge her free will. (No, I could not do that)

This is also part of a enormous transformation going on in all the cultures 
of the world, this adjusting to the increase in individual freedom; 
especially in so many places, this ability of the women to determine their 
own lives.

Student:  Just a question about free will.  Is it free will if it is colored 
by past experiences, negative experiences, and lack, and fear?  I don’t see 
that as being free will, if one is ignorant or blinded by negative, and in 
some cases, horrific experiences in their past.  They’re just 
re-experiencing the same thing.

NEBADONIA:  This is true, and We’ve had many lessons on the need to bring so 
many things into consciousness in order to have a freewill choice.

But who is to determine this for another?  (Yes, that’s so)  This is why you 
need to acknowledge and respect each others’ free will.  Even if it seems to 
be only a futile attempt, you can encourage another to be free, especially 
by letting them be free of you.  This is spiritual generosity, especially 
between the sexes. But as you know, so many cultures in the world still 
refuse to grant their women this freedom.  There is still an unimaginable 
amount of brutality being exercised almost automatically, without the 
slightest thought or reflection, along these lines.

This is, if you will, a kind of right intra-family terror that is simply the 
heritage of your long history of warfare.  Michael, as Jesus, did more to 
liberate women than anyone else who has ever lived on Urantia.  So by all 
means, My son, in all your relations with this lady you care so much about, 
do all you can to encourage her to know what she’s doing, and give her the 
benefit of the doubt whenever you can.  (I will do that)  I think you feel 
how it rebounds with good grace in your own soul.

Student:  Yes.  One final thought, in watching myself go through this, and 
these feelings I do feel, it’s interesting like how loneliness wants to 
initiate other relationships with a woman; but that’s not the platform or 
foundation I want to start from.  Anyway, I wish to focus more on my 
relationship with my Father—our Father.  As I open up to that, to who I am, 
then all else will follow.  This spiritual fragrance will be experienced by 
others, and be drawn to me, as I am drawn to them—under the right, the 
healthy circumstances; not out of neediness or loneliness.  So I thank You.

NEBADONIA:  You are welcome, My son.  I concur heartily in all you’ve just 
said.  It is so much better to come from this place of completeness, this 
deep, abiding feeling of Our, and our Father’s presence.  For then too you 
really have something to offer another.  This is part of that generosity of 
spirit We encourage.  Be in My love.

(Letting go the illusions of certainty)

I salute your openness and courage, My sons, to realize what you’re in for, 
when you step out on the spiritual path.  If it helps any, know that your 
Guardian Angels do rejoice when you let go the illusions of certainty and 
wholeheartedly accept the feeling of life living right through you.  So 
persevere.  You are also reaping the rewards of faith.  Your lives are 
becoming more interesting, and fun, challenging, and lovely.  This life you 
are living really is something, is it not?  You are beginning to get a 
little more light-hearted, beginning to see that God—yes, God himself does 
have a sense of humor—else we could not.  Can you see the irony that needing 
to constantly let yourself go does lead to constantly rediscovering yourself 
anew?  Keep in mind you are just starting off on an endless journey; so pace 
yourselves.  Love those ideals, but strive to be real where you are.  
Michael sends you His peace, and I offer you My love.  We both ask you most 
humbly to accept Our gifts.  Good Evening.


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