[tmtranscripts] Nebadonia 6.27.05

[JERRY LANE]

Dear Folks,    Happy Forth of July weekend.  Here's the latest message from 
Mother Spirit to cheer your souls.  It's always great to feel Her from the 
inside-out, is it not? - reflected in your own recognitiion of what She's 
saying.  Enjoy.  Jerry.

Nebadonia 6.27.05

Marin TM Group

Dear Mother Spirit and Michael,    Tonight we would like You to know how we 
treasure  Your gentle ways.  You give us actual living examples of how 
beings with truly absolute power exercise it - gently and lovingly, 
inspiringly.  You use Your power to inspire us to search out not only who we 
are in a conventional sense, but what we are, and the kind of open-ended 
future we are facing, never to be exhausted in an eternity of tomorrows.  
Amen.

Nebadonia:  Good evening My children, this is your spiritual Mother, 
Nebadonia.  I almost wish I could say, This is your sister - too, as Michael 
is your brother.  But you can think of my affection for you as sisterly as 
well as motherly.  I feel Myself to be so much a part of you and your lives. 
  I feel Myself walking alongside you and enjoying your company.  And so I 
am really delighted now that you are beginning to feel My presence.  This is 
the way it is with not only fathers and mothers and their children, but with 
siblings, brothers and sisters.  We just enjoy each others company.

There is a profound feeling of identity between us, we who are of such 
different kinds of beings; we are both sons and daughters of our Eternal 
Father.  So as we share in His creation, we are brothers and sisters.  We 
can feel this delightful kinship, this deep-down realization that someone 
understands us, someone is sharing our life with us.  And you are also 
blessed as children of God to have a fragment of His pure being right within 
you, informing your understanding, inspiring your decisions, then making a 
spiritual record of this partnership with you in the single life that is 
truly yours.

How do we spend this time together?  This is where your experiential being - 
being nodules of experience out here in time and space - most profoundly 
approaches being existential; self-defining your existence by what you do.  
For however you are just starting out on your eternal journey, you are fully 
existential in the simple fact of your existence.  Though you may feel, at 
times, you are just some nebulous wisp of God’s imagination, this is just a 
passing, shaky self-reflection or perhaps a profound self-doubt that you 
feel the need to entertain.  But this doubt will pass because you truly are. 
  You are a fact of absolute existence and it is how you choose to manifest 
this reality of yourselves - what you choose to do, how you choose to 
behave, that is a constantly modulating fact of your existence, that your 
Father Fragment records as a shared journal - as your soul.

So you see a kind of constant transformation from experiential possibility - 
the potential for experience that you get to choose, which then becomes an 
existential fact as it happens. This is what is happening in this dimension 
of the present moment.  A hundred and one possibilities are being rendered 
into a single reality happening.  Once this has happened and has become the 
past, We have encouraged you to respect it and be self-aware as to how you 
interpret it because, generally speaking, this interpretation is necessary 
for your understanding.

Though you can intellectually think of reality as a single happening, which 
it is, only God himself fully experiences it as such.  For we lesser beings 
it is a highly complex, I should say infinitely complex happening.  This 
single reality includes millions of galaxies, trillions of inhabited worlds, 
each with their billions of human level type beings, and then a whole 
hierarchy of personal beings forming a unbroken chain between them and God, 
their Father.  This is all actually happening right now.  So to some degree 
your understanding of the present moment as it becomes the past necessarily 
involves some simplification.  You pick out certain continuing threads of 
cause-and-effect, or other relationships, extending through time, and this 
forms your understanding of why things happened as they did.

So We have been counseling you to keep these two phases of your reality – 
your original experience and your interpretation of it - as distinct as you 
can.  Cultivate the ability to relive moments of your past.  Let them be 
present once again and once again experience all those hundred and one 
possibilities coming in from all the dimensions of your life.  Feel again 
all that need for the decisions that you had to make to create the one thing 
that did happen out of all those possibilities.

This distinction becomes another addition to your understanding because it 
most truly comforts and forms a kind of companionship for your decisions 
now.  You stay out of a realm of simple-mindedness which is a disrespect for 
all the decisions you had to make in the past.  If you lose touch with how 
complex certain times past were for you, and what was involved in those 
decisions, they cannot help you now in the decisions you have to make today. 
  Rather an illusion of how easy the past was, but only because it is past 
and settled, can mock you in all the effort required to decide right now.

This is a broad understanding you should be striving to accomplish.  
Fortunately, through your mass media, because you have so many channels of 
your television available, presenting so many different viewpoints, then too 
your computers and your enormously expanding abilities to handle such a 
volume of information; both are rapidly augmenting your understanding of 
history.  This is not just your personal past but the past of your nation, 
your culture, even your entire race.  Now you can look deeply into past 
events that once seemed so simple and obvious.  You can approach your fellow 
human beings who had to live through those historic events and realize the 
courage, the determination, the loyalty, at times the desperation involved 
in their decisions.  For they were facing what was impenetrable to them, as 
they made the decisions which formed the world you are living in today.

This is truly an appreciation, an increase in spiritual value.  You find 
kinship with those who have gone before you and realize that, though they 
may have lived thousands of years ago, in cultures and human situations you 
can barely imagine, still they were as fully human as you, however 
incomprehensible to you may have been their encompassing reality.

For you living now: We hope you can also appreciate you are living in a kind 
of Renaissance like no other, even the one that goes by that name in 
European history.  You are being offered the opportunity to expand so 
enormously into the past and get this greater understanding of what your 
forefathers went through - the conscious, knowing sacrifices made so you 
could have the fullness you enjoy today.  What a blessing this is.  You’ve 
often expressed how fortunate you are just to be living in this time of the 
Fifth Epochal Revelation to mankind, and now with the Adjudication of the 
Lucifer Rebellion, to be alive and aware of the end of a 
two-hundred-thousand-year spiritual quarantine of the entire planet.

Can you imagine further, My children?  Can you feel Our delight in being 
able to inaugurate the Teaching Mission?  We can actually feel, Michael and 
I, this enormously expanding contact between Our sons and daughters on a 
human level, contacting their brother and sister Celestial Beings.  What a 
joy Urantia is beginning to experience, so far beyond even what your 
delightful science fiction cares to imagine.  For this is not just rocket 
ships cruising about the galaxy.  This is the actual contact between beings 
who have just barely begun their journey into eternity, with older brothers 
and sisters –Celestial Beings - who have lived tens of thousands, in some 
cases, billions of years.  Did you ever imagine this kind of contact across 
these eons of time, My children?

There are over three and a half million inhabited worlds just in our 
relatively young Local Universe; and this is all happening in the present 
moment.  This is all real out there.  Someday you will begin to approach 
Michael’s and My dimensions of being, but just now at this present moment We 
offer you this vista of what is in store for you.  This is what We meant in 
our last lesson about there being no limits to your personality or soul.  
You’ll keep growing and expand to encompass thousands of times what you do 
now.  For there are thousands of worlds out there you will come to know – 
both evolutionary planets and the architectural spheres of Nebadon.

So be of great heart, My children.  Whenever you feel a little faint at the 
day’s challenges, take a deep breath and heave a mighty sigh if you feel so 
moved, and step off.  Take the next step.  Michael and I and our Universal 
Father will always be with you to help you make that decision - where to go, 
what to do, as you transform all those swarming possibilities into the one, 
great, living fact of your life.  You will always be in Our love.

If you have any questions or comments this evening, let’s wade right into 
them.

Student:  Thank You, Mother.  Once again You said just what I needed to 
hear.  I do have one question, maybe several.  I’ve been told I can change 
the interpretation that I made about a particular past event, to a different 
interpretation.  I’m wondering how accurate that is, because my mind already 
knows the original interpretation that I put on it.  Am I getting myself 
deeper into trouble trying to change an interpretation, or into any 
particular risk, with such a traumatic event, or even a pleasant one?

Nebadonia:  What We are asking you to imagine, My son, even if you cannot 
yet fully do it: imagine setting aside the interpretation - however accurate 
or inaccurate, however appropriate or inappropriate - and take the time to 
start at the beginning.  Feel for the pure memory of all that was involved 
that day or evening.  Give yourself plenty of time.  Don’t rush through 
things.  Try to slow this past event down as much as you can so you can 
re-experience all those possibilities, all that impenetrability of not 
knowing what was going to come next.  In other words, make this past event 
as much like your present as you can.

This is not easy because you have to suspend, of course, you already know 
how it will come out in terms of pure facts, physical facts of what 
happened.  But also remember what you were thinking, what you were feeling 
then, moment by moment, not later but as things were happening.  This is a 
special skill you will have to learn, but it is one that will stand you in 
good stead not only the rest of your life here on Urantia, but in all the 
days to come, beyond.

We have pointed out that your present consciousness is not the same as your 
soul. True enough your present consciousness is super-ordinate.  It is more 
than just you because it is shaped by your culture, by your schooling, by 
your training, as well as resting on the physiological basis of your health, 
your energy, your wakefulness or your tiredness, even the spiritual 
dimensions of your personality: all affect your consciousness.

But your soul is co-authored by a Fragment of God.  Only by reliving as 
fully as you can the original experience can you most closely approach what 
your soul contains.  To the degree you get a deeper spiritual awareness and 
can use the power of spirit - the originating, creative power of spirit - to 
bring that past event into the present, this very skill will enable you to 
transcend all the previous reactions  and interpretations you had before.  
Now a present day (Student) who is older and wiser with a more enormous soul 
has the opportunity to see that past experience in a fresher, larger way.

Then by contrast see the previous judgments you made on that experience.  
Both of these will form a new understanding of who you were when you had 
this experience,  and who you were sometime later to make the judgments you 
did - by reflection, now you are reflecting.  These are two different 
things, and they are both there in your past.  They are both part of your 
memories.  Rather than complicating things in your life, this broader, more 
inclusive understanding of who you were at different times should help you 
trace the single thread of your personality as it became who you are now.  
Does this understanding help you, My son?

Student:  Yes, it does Mother.  One question that did come up: I originally 
made a decision about a certain event.  If when reliving that event I change 
that decision, does that change the soul decision, the soul record I mean?  
Or are both decisions still recorded?

Nebadonia:  Your last understanding is the correct one. Your soul is a 
spiritual transcript of everything happening to you, so it is both the 
events as you experienced them, and then whatever subsequent understandings 
and judgments - which are also experiences of yours.  Your soul contains 
both, so if your present consciousness and understanding can see both, you 
begin to approach the content of your soul.  Still and all, your soul also 
has this co-author of a Fragment of Absolute Wisdom.

>From time to time your soul does break through into your consciousness, 
particularly when you let it by being still of active, present concerns, and 
reflect.  For most people this is somewhat shocking and they’re amazed that 
for a full four or five seconds it’s almost like science-fiction time 
traveling.  Something self-complete just pops into your mind of how you felt 
maybe when you were, say, ten years old or so - just how the day felt, the 
air, the people you were around, the smells, the sensations.   For a few 
seconds you are reliving some previous event of your life, and you get just 
the tiniest inkling of how enormous your soul is.

This is that part of you which is already in the Morontia realm, and will be 
so much more available to you when you awaken on the Mansion worlds.  Do you 
have any more questions about this particular thing, My son?

Student:  There will probably be several more that come up, but I will save 
them for another time, Mother.

Nebadonia:  It is this profound relaxing We have suggested that allows these 
moments to spontaneously pop into your consciousness.  And they can be so 
beautiful, so exquisite, you have to be careful not to be too greedy and try 
to capture them, for this closes off and ends the kind of relaxed 
peacefulness that allows them to pop up in the first place.  This is also a 
facet of your self-forgiveness - both of the misadventures you’ve had in the 
past, and then too the overly-judgmental decisions you made about yourself 
afterwards.

When you truly respect and appreciate who you were at various times in your 
life, you may realize, in the same way you can forgive other people, that in 
a spiritual way you were doing the best you could.  So open your arms with 
love to all these people you have been.  And live in My love.

Student:  Thank You, Mother.

Student:  Dear Nebadonia, I would like your advice on asking my Thought 
Adjuster - more nearly a Thought Controller - ask for the creative maturity 
that makes it safe and reasonable - what we ask for.  Please help me in that 
direction.

Nebadonia:  Yes, My son, you can see this as a direct talking to your 
Thought Adjuster, and then a listening for an answer.  We invite you to do 
this.  It’s exactly what Michael suggested in terms of general prayer, 
either to Us or to God, your Father by way of your Thought Adjuster.  Keep 
in mind your Thought Adjuster gets this name because He makes suggestions as 
your very thoughts, right along with your own, and these can be recognized 
from time to time by their startling appropriateness.

But another valid name for your Thought Adjuster is the Mystery Monitor, for 
this is a two-way communication. This is not only the wisdom and insight of 
God using this fragment of Himself as a means to suggest thoughts which you 
are at liberty to incorporate or refuse, it’s another way by which God 
experiences everything you do.  Only, of course, His experience of you is so 
much more enormous than your experience of yourself - in other words, your 
self-consciousness.

You will recall from your studies that God creates and inhabits a kind of a 
personality circuit, which is a way of saying that God experiences 
everything you do.  Any time you wish to talk with Him you simply direct 
your thoughts to Him.  One of Michael’s gifts, as Jesus, was to encourage 
His brothers and sisters, and His disciples and followers, to talk to God; 
to set aside what folks at that time were told was a necessary, formal 
prayer, and just talk to God as the loving, wise Father He is.  So this is 
what you asked, My son, about your prayers to your Thought Adjuster.

Then there is the listening, the profound relaxing of your own 
self-generated desires, even curiosity, in any specifically-directed sense, 
and just relax into a general openness. You can think: OK dear Companion of 
all my days, what is it You would have me realize now? - and just profoundly 
relax.  Un-focus your attention and make room for what will come next.

Here, as I advised (Student), even though some startling ideas may come 
forth, just keep relaxing.  Don’t stop the flow.  Let it fill you to your 
heart’s content, My son.  Feel the love involved and let it affect you.  Let 
it further break down any resistance to this living truth.  Let this 
Fragment of God heal you and reward your courage to open, by opening you 
further.  And enjoy your surprise at what may come.  Does this help you, My 
son?

Student:  Yes, dear Nebadonia, it’s working already.  I would also like to 
convey through You to my Thought Adjuster that I sincerely hope we 
experience this jubilee that is one of the hoped-for things by Thought 
Adjusters and Thought Controllers.  So I try to state that openly to make it 
a formal petition and prayer for the pleasure of the jubilee of my Thought 
Adjuster and me.

Nebadonia:  Well, My son, whenever you feel for the greatest truth among 
several contending notions, this is paying respect and welcoming with 
affection what your life-long Companion has to offer.  Trust that the 
difficulty you have in understanding the part your Thought Adjuster plays in 
your life, is because He is so close you.  He has been so much a part of the 
life you’ve known since you were self-conscious.  Never doubt this Mystery 
Monitor, this pure fragment of God himself does experience everything you 
do,  and He is making a journal of it.  And then finally, remember too what 
you already know fully with your intellect, and are beginning to feel with 
your heart: someday you two will be one.  So have confidence, My son, that 
you are being heard and you are sincerely striving to feel this contact.  
And be in My love.

Student:  Thank You, Nebadonia, it seems to be helping my desire to be a 
better listener as well.  Thanks for that extra gift very much.

Student:  The thought flashed through my mind, as You said to (Student) and 
to (Student), that God experiences all the other things we experience, and 
writes everything down in a journal, so to speak.  And if that is so, with 
no separateness between God and myself, then I am able to experience 
everything He experiences…at my level, the human level.

Nebadonia:  Yes, My son, this is true with the provision you made there at 
the end.  This is why I said that God actually experiences so much more of 
you than what you, at this stage - this very initial, beginning stage of 
your eternal life - are capable of experiencing, even about yourself.  This 
is why We have been encouraging you to develop the skill and the technique 
for reliving even moments of your past.  It is a matter of creative 
imagination for you now to wonder what your soul may contain.  And We have 
teased you a bit with suggestions that the greatest content of your soul are 
all the other human beings you have known in your life, because each of them 
is a kind of infinity to you.

As you allow these past moments to pop up again in your consciousness - as 
you originally experienced them - so too you can once again marvel at this 
ungraspable quality of even those you have known so well, your mother and 
your father, your sisters and brothers, your closest friends.  Once again 
realize the same living reality as they appeared to you in that present 
time, and marvel at how enormous God must be then to contain the living 
experiences of all the personal beings in existence, who have ever existed.

Student:  The first thought that came to mind when You said how hard it 
would be for me to experience the infinity of God, as a human, the first 
thought was, I would cease to be human.  I would like to spontaneously 
combust.  I couldn’t be here, it would be so powerful, so enormous, so 
earth-shattering.  In a sense, I couldn’t help but change and evolve. I 
couldn’t…this form couldn’t contain it for very long.  Then when you talked 
about other human beings in my life, past and present, and seeing them as 
infinite potential, I see also the beliefs and perceptions that prevent them 
from experiencing that for themselves.  And what comes of this experience of 
living in God, knowing that beyond that is that infinite potential?

So it’s interesting  to see a human being, like my mother for instance, and 
seeing  what limits her self-expression.  But like You say, she’s only a 
thought away from being this potential.  So it’s a lot of…

Nebadonia:  Yes, My son, we are trying to express the almost inexpressible 
here.  So Our words are fingers pointing at an infinity.  You are quite 
right about your present human existence, which is why those human beings 
who fuse with their Thought Adjusters while still in human form are 
instantaneously combusted.

And too, this is a process of maturity.  You start out as this little 
creature who can barely see or hear.  You are not quite like puppies or 
kittens, your eyes are open, but it still takes you a while to focus and see 
things.  So, of course, as a young child and then an early adolescent you 
see just the physical part of people.  It takes a while to realize and 
accept amidst the need to feel secure in your own knowledge and control of 
reality, that every single one of these other people you meet is infinite.  
This is a long, long process of maturity, partly dependent upon realizing 
within yourself your own spiritual nature, before you can perceive it in 
others.  And so, as you encounter people from the youngest children to the 
oldest adults, you can see this growth of self-awareness of a spiritual 
dimension.  You can marvel that this dimension is there in a young child, it 
is simply not self-consciousness yet.

This is why a wise parent addresses their children respecting and granting 
them this full spiritual reality.  It leads you to the fullest reality you 
can perceive in another, loving and respecting this infinity whether the 
person is aware of it or not.

Student:  I think one does a great service to humanity, and the individual, 
by seeing them in this fashion, for it is how God sees us, how Jesus saw 
everyone.  I’m sure on some level it enhances the spiritual growth and 
evolution…on some unconscious level, if I honor them such.  Imagine if every 
human being saw another in that light.

Nebadonia:  Yes, indeed.  This is the one of the main purposes of Our 
Teaching Mission, to encourage this very perception.  You realize within 
yourself your own Thought Adjuster, and then further you realize you can 
address this in another person.  There is something in this other person 
which can recognize what you are saying, and reassure this other person from 
the inside-out of your good intentions.  This communication is happening 
constantly so much more than most people realize. It comes across on the 
very border of consciousness, such as the phenomena as you walk down a busy 
city sidewalk, you tend to encounter your own expression.

This can be wholly unconscious on the part of both persons in the encounter. 
  If you are feeling kind-of mean and grumpy and ill-at-ease, you tend to 
provoke that in others, and so encounter it.  Whereas if you’re bright and 
sunny and self-confident and cheerful, others will just unconsciously tune 
in to you to catch some of your joy, and reflect it back to you.  This is so 
misunderstood among so many folks.  When they are feeling down it seems like 
the whole world is jumping in on top of them.

But you are right, My son, if you can see this unfathomable depth in another 
and realize you are addressing something infinite - both as their 
personality and also their Thought Adjuster, this Fragment of God within 
them, this is the loving respect that is transforming the world.   More than 
anything else - all the thoughts and plans of societies and governments and 
their agencies, it is this person-to-person loving respect that will change 
the world.  This is the bedrock on which everything else is based, and with 
this all else flows naturally.  Without this nothing works.  This is 
literally what ties people together.

(There was a long and peaceful pause here)

Nebadonia:  Well, as Michael noted last week, it seems you are not only 
discovering this peace of His, but you are learning how to let affect you.  
This is why it feels so free, so light and buoyant, so nourishing and 
playful.  It should be popping up more and more as you go through your days.

Student:  I have noticed a lightness within my being.  Something has shifted 
within my consciousness.  But there are times - like before I came here - 
where I did feel a density, where I did feel my body was having a hard time. 
  It felt really discomforted.  I was going to ask about that, but this 
other idea came to mind.

Nebadonia:  This is part of the eternal quest, My son.  What leads to what?  
What causes what?  Why am I the way I’m feeling right now?  Because of the 
possibility of what you call denial, you unconsciously instigate a kind of 
vicious cycle where something is aversely affecting you, but for various 
reasons you may not wish to confront it or be aware of it at the present 
moment.  Yet it takes energy to suppress the true cause, and so this leads 
to a further kind of depression.  The only way to break this cycle is by 
allowing the true causes to come to the surface of your consciousness where 
they can be dealt with.

Even consciously putting off a decision until tomorrow is a vast improvement 
over not knowing what is causing your present discomfort or depression.  
Even a positive procrastination is a decision, and it has the chance of 
registering in your consciousness.  Sometimes the discomfort has to grow to 
where you give it enough value to stop in your otherwise busy activities and 
search yourself for the cause.

Because there are a lot of little things that come and go that you wisely 
disregard, see this as a living process that is simply letting you know that 
there is something now that can no longer be disregarded.  You slowly earn 
the self-confidence that, with the help of your spiritual companions, you 
can get to the bottom of things.

Student:  Then You are saying I am in denial about something.

Nebadonia:  Possibly.  I’m just offering the suggestion that the way to find 
out is a matter of stillness, of allowing all the elements of this 
discontented feeling to arise.  Don’t forget to use My love.  Sometimes it’s 
a hard shell that needs cracking.  You can review in the last lesson some of 
the reasons why folks get caught up in defensiveness or mistrust, with an 
inner feeling of breaking down, because it is confronting the unknown.

Student:  A thought that came to my mind, that I’ve had to swallow a lot of 
myself with regard to the situation I’m presently in.  And at times I wonder 
if that’s not healthy. Am I denying myself?  It sure feels like it at times.

Nebadonia:  Some of these things, My son, do await the passage of time, 
because what you describe as swallowing yourself is sometimes a necessary 
maturity and growth in self-control.  Only the passage of time can tell 
whether or not it was required just to stay open and sensitive to those 
around you.  In either case there is a necessity for forgiveness - the sense 
of doing your best and then trusting in the goodness of others; that you 
have done all you can and the situation awaits tomorrow.

So much of the future is impenetrable and, as We have reminded you, you are 
not infallible.  There is no guarantee any being can offer you that you are 
doing the right thing.  Some of this does await the developments of time so 
you can get the feedback, so you can take that next step to realizing 
whether you are doing the right thing or not.

This is the very nature of time itself, and the complexity you live in.  The 
understanding of this is what gives you peace, moment to moment, and helps 
you avoid a kind of human anxiety that serves no purpose, but is possible to 
feel.  Just do your best and leave the rest to God.  We are all in good 
hands, My son.

Student:  I’ve been doing a lot of letting go and letting God lately, every 
moment I can.

Nebadonia:  Well, this is teaching you an appreciation of the dimension of 
time.  It is not some will ‘o the wisp type thing.  Time is another 
dimension of God’s law.  It is that singular happening that is Him, and we 
just open ourselves to as much of it as we can comprehend.  And we go 
towards Him.  As a human being you have within you a compass, a living 
compass that points directly at Him.  The Fragment of God that lives within 
you proceeds from the very living heart of Paradise.  And this Fragment of 
God knows the way home.

Just feel for it.  Feel for what is the right thing to do.  Even if you 
can’t do it, feel for it anyway.  You have a Fragment of God himself 
pointing the way.  You have His Son, Michael’s Spirit of Truth to help you 
in this.  You have the dimensions of the Infinite Spirit pouring through Me 
as the very mind with which you experience your hard earned wisdom and 
express your thankfulness to God to be a part of this.  Rest in My love.  
Good evening.

Students:  Good evening, Mother…all of our love…